The effect on your wife

Our women are emotional.  They are not built for stress.  Mothers with young children are chasing savages all day, wiping noses and asses and constantly having to meet the needs of your children.  The last thing she’s thinking about is sex with you.  Does not mean she doesn’t want to, but by the time they’re in bed, her nervous system is fried.  She doesn’t feel sexy, she doesn’t feel sensual.  And women cannot turn on suddenly, it’s a process.

What to do?

Having empathy is a great first step.  Ask yourself, how can I make her feel safe today, provided for and protected?  How can I support her? What can I do to take some burden off of her?  How can I show up for her?  Can I take some of the night time activities like getting the kids showered and in bed? If you focus on her needs without expecting sex, you will find that she will likely be more motivated to meet your sexual needs.

Game plan

Teach your children to respect and appreciate her.  Do not tolerate bad behavior toward her.  Protect your adult time.  Get into a routine where the kids are in bed at a certain time that allows for alone time together.  And don’t try to jump right into sex.  Have a glass of wine, rub her feet or maybe a backrub.  For God’s sake, turn off the TV and put your phone away.  Be present and give her your attention.  And always make sure she feels beautiful and sexy.

Stating your needs

Stating your sexual needs is important, but if you’re no where near meeting hers, it’s a difficult situation.  And when you do discuss it, you might talk about some of the non-physical aspects of it.  Talk about the connection it creates.  Focus more on the expression of love for one another than the orgasm itself.  Talk about how honoring it is when she surrenders to you.  Sex is beautiful and is meant to be enjoyed by both, so make sure you’re an unselfish lover.  Find out what she likes and learn to please her.